The Legacy Of My Parents

This is an article I wrote back in December of 2012
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Legacy My Parents Have Left Me

By Matt Adams

Favorite phrases of my father:

“Remember who you are”

“I love you”

“Did you do [or, “Is that”] your best”

“Stay on task” (particular to me)

Write about the legacy of your parents…quite the task to undertake. You look back on your life and try to capture decades of living within just a few words. The quotes above are some that I remember from growing up, and still hear to this day whether it’s me repeating them or in talking with my parents. Life has its ups and downs, oftentimes one side is greater than the other, but in the end I believe it all levels out. Writing about the “legacy of my parents” is one that I would consider one of life’s “ups” and a task that I hope to do justice unto.

We grew up learning that God comes first, family is important (with a few caveats), always to do our best no matter what we do, to sacrifice your life on behalf of your kids and family (something I learned when I became an adult), how to be happy with little or much (again, not until I became an adult did I learn how “little” we actually had), that we are to always “remember who you are”, have a sense of humor about life, enjoy living, work hard, our good family name is worth living up to but our actions define us regardless of what our name is – we can’t trade on our family name and act contrary to all that it means, and most importantly, forgiveness is always available but repentance must come first. A man’s words and his actions must align; great men are not born, they are forged in the fires of life.

Since my brothers both got married around when they were 20, I ended up having more one-on-one time with my parents than they were able to have and I learned even more from them as I aged in years and matured in character. Though the circumstances surrounding the reasons “why” I ended up spending more time with my parents is not a rosy picture, I am thankful that my parents are who they are and that they gave me the tools and encouraged my growth into the man I have become today. I broke their trust many times and yet, while the road was difficult, they welcomed me back when I deserved to be cast aside…always encouraging me to be better. I learned a deeper meaning of what love and forgiveness truly was and saw the love of God reflected in the conduct of my parents during my troubled twenties.

And so, time transpired and this boy became a man and our relationship as parent/child became an even stronger bond as it developed into our being best and most dear friends. I trust my parents implicitly. My parents have been my closest friends, best critics, confidants, spiritual advisors, “life coaches”, fellow soldiers in spiritual battles, critics, lawgivers, chauffeurs, relationship counselors, therapists, financial and business advisors, and so much more. Now that I have found the woman whom I will soon marry the relationship I share with my parents in these regards will change its form somewhat, and that is as God intended, but they will never cease holding the place in my heart that they permanently inhabit.

Life has thrown many curves and has been filled with both great disappointments as well as tremendous successes. Though many things can confront me in this life, one fact I can always be assured of is that my parents are there for me whenever I need them. A man is incredibly blessed if he has but one best friend in his life; even more fortunate if he is to marry his best friend, as I will soon; but I am blessed beyond compare in that I have three best friends. I can lose all I own in this life, but the love of these three incredible people means more than words can express and money can buy. My parents helped me to learn the value of what is truly important in this life.

My struggles have worked, by the grace of God, to shape me into a stronger and better man. The Lord gave me the rules, means, time, and opportunity to find that straight and narrow path and be forgiven once again. My parents provided me with a good raising, a good name, high expectations (of myself as well as knowing their expectations of me), unconditional love, a strong work ethic, encouraged my eager and happy spirit, directed my inordinate flow of energy toward productive things, and helped me to find out who I am – both as a man and as I developed and strengthened my own faith as a child of God.

Are my parents perfect? No. Did they make mistakes? Certainly. Did they do the best they could with the time they had and with the resources and information in their possession while I was under their roof? I have no doubt. Did they lead me in the way I should go? Absolutely. Is my love for, and knowledge of, God stronger as a result of my raising? Yes it is. Do they love me? Without question. Will I model my own home after the loving guidance and instruction as my parents have? You better believe it. Will I make changes in areas where I think my parents could have done better? I would be unwise not to do so.

I know my home will not be perfect, just as I know my own parents did not have a “perfect” home…to expect such is illogical for we are fallible human beings. However, I know this: my parents love the Lord with all they have, even more then they love each other and their family; my parents love each other deeply; my parents shared their love with us as a family; our family bond continues to grow; I have a good family name, which is a direct result of how my parents have conducted their lives; I have a desire to keep that name good and count it a privilege to be able to one day pass that name on to my own family; recognizing the physical aspects of our relationship in this life helps me see even clearer the spiritual blessings enjoyed with being children of God.

My Dad loves the Lord and he cares deeply for the souls of all, I know because I have seen first-hand the hurt and frustration over those who are lost in sin but simply won’t repent. My mother also loves the Lord and cares deeply for all, I know this because I have seen the frustration and hurt she has gone through not just as a Christian, but also in her relationship as the wife of a preacher. I have also witnessed the great joy of my parents over seeing souls render obedience unto the Lord, or over those who repent and return to the Lord. They have not hidden the good nor the bad that goes on in life from us, and for that I am eternally grateful. These traits have been passed on to me by way of observing my parents and I cannot stress enough how important this is. We attended many gospel meetings and have met so many of our brethren that it is impossible to remember them all. One thing I never questioned in our home was whether or not we were going to attend worship. We were taken out of sports competitions, sometimes right in the middle of the game, in order to get changed and get to worship services…and there was no question or argument over why, that was just the way it was. I always knew that pleasing God and pleasing my parents were tied together…I may not have always acknowledged it in the moment, but later reflection would consistently bear that out. To this day I still drop whatever I’m doing and just leave when it is time to go to worship, no questions, it just is.

I have spoken about my Dad quite a bit, but my mother has played a role in my life that is equally as invaluable. She is a godly woman and one that continues to do much good in the Lord’s Kingdom. Of all the lessons of my mother, there is one in particular that will live on throughout the rest of my life. My mother taught me what a woman is supposed to be and how a lady is to be treated. I love and respect my mother immensely, and I am thankful for her example in my life. “Raise up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Mom raised me up to have respect and a high regard for women. She taught me that modest dress, as well as conduct and speech, is a reflection of who a woman is and what she is about. My mother’s example can best be summed up by reading Proverbs 31, she is that woman. It is said that sons typically look for wives as a result of the example of their mothers…and it gives me great joy to state that in my case this is very true. I have searched for a woman who is similar to my mother, in that she has the characteristics of Proverbs 31, and I have not settled for anything less. This presents many barriers to life because, as the writer states in verse 10 “A virtuous wife, who can find?” indicating that one with these qualities is as rare as the rarest of gems and far more valuable. And just this year I finally succeeded, by the grace of God, in finding my virtuous woman and we will be married in a few months. As stated before, the lessons and example of my mother has led me “in the way I should go” and as I grow older I am determined not to depart from it. The legacy of my mother continues on in her life as she grows stronger in the Lord and continues to be a virtuous woman, and that is the greatest legacy of any woman to aspire to have.

I have tried my best to put into words the legacy of my parents, and my hope is that it is clear. However, no man’s legacy can be summed up with mere words, rather it is seen in the residue of his actions, such as their family, their marriage, and the lives they touch. Their legacy is seen in my conduct, contained in my name, reflected in my face, and continued on through my own family and my own actions. It is a legacy that will sound forth through the ages; for, as long as God is glorified and righteousness is continued, the legacy of my parents along with the good family name that has been passed on for generations will be one of godliness.